All I can say is that I was shocked. My Doctor has always supported me in getting proper medication for pain relief as I have needed it over the years, but something horrendous is going on with our doctors. They are now in fear of losing their license to practice medicine because of a few high profile drug abusers such as Michael Jackson and Anna Nicole Smith. I can’t begin to convey what this means to the thousands of people suffering from chronic pain and being denied drugs because of a few drug seekers. Oh I did walk away with a prescription for pain that day but what a joke. I was allowed one pain pill per day for thirty days, an absolute slap in the face and I was treated very oddly. I think to cover the guilt that the doctor was feeling she treated me as if she was trying to protect me from getting addicted, addicted? You have got to be kidding me, but there was nothing I could do and I was so numb from shock that I left with the little that I received. But my foe was very pleased as he was now winning the battle.
Still, I am not the type to simply role over and give up and so I tried my best with what I had. I knew that I had to do something that made me feel somewhat productive again so I decided to teach myself how to knit. For me, the best way to ignore pain is by learning something new that requires complete concentration and the knitting was a perfect distraction from my imprisonment in this broken body. We also took a trip to Denver to see our daughter and son-in-law and I was enveloped with the love of my family. The best medicine there is in the world.
I also knew that I somehow had to get active again so one day I pushed the pain aside and went for a walk. It was a beautiful day and I slowly plugged away and ended up going three miles with my buddy Willy joyfully leading the way. That night though, both of my legs went into a painful spasm. I was in terrible pain this time so back to the doctor office once again. This time I was finally given a few more pain pills and sent off to get x-rays. After a few days I got the results that I was not looking for, on top of all the things going on with my spine I now have degenerated discs below my fusions and rod. It was nice to know why I was having a new source of pain but not exactly the news that I wanted to hear. The good news is though that some people respond well to physical therapy and so I will start in a couple of days.
How is the depression? It is there next to me constantly and some days are worse than others but I am happy to be taking some form of action. My youngest daughter told me something the other day that has really helped me quite a lot. She lives a very hectic life lately and she said that the way she handles things when life gets complicated is to not look at the whole thing but to just focus on the task in front of you and just keep going. So I am trying to take her wise advise and not look at the big mess that I am currently in but just take it as it comes, plodding along. And so I am going to go wash the dishes in the sink from last nights dinner and look forward to watching the Giants play tonight in the world series, yeaaaa, while I knit away. Anyone need a scarf? Just keep going and maybe, just maybe it will be enough to keep my foe away.