It’s out of my hands, my fate, my life, my entire future sits in waiting. The waiting game, it seems, has been all that I am capable of doing lately and in less than two hours I learn what the Doctors most recent findings are. Friday I was once again scanned and x-rayed and even injected with dye into my spinal cord, something I am grateful I did not know about beforehand, and more or less treated as a broken object, no longer human. So here I am waiting again, excited and terrified all in one, not wanting to go forward but knowing that to stay where I am surely means the worst for I can’t endure this punishment any longer. It is interesting that I chose the word “punishment” as if I did something bad to deserve this fate, but that’s what it feels like. It has slowly gotten so bad that my life is in suspension now, hardly a life at all. Waiting to go to the doctors, waiting to find out about more surgery, but really waiting to resume living again. All or nothing, wish me luck.