Tuesday, July 3, 2012


It’s out of my hands, my fate, my life, my entire future sits in waiting. The waiting game, it seems, has been all that I am capable of doing lately and in less than two hours I learn what the Doctors most recent findings are. Friday I was once again scanned and x-rayed and even injected with dye into my spinal cord, something I am grateful I did not know about beforehand, and more or less treated as a broken object, no longer human. So here I am waiting again, excited and terrified all in one, not wanting to go forward but knowing that to stay where I am surely means the worst for I can’t endure this punishment any longer. It is interesting that I chose the word “punishment” as if I did something bad to deserve this fate, but that’s what it feels like. It has slowly gotten so bad that my life is in suspension now, hardly a life at all. Waiting to go to the doctors, waiting to find out about more surgery, but really waiting to resume living again. All or nothing, wish me luck.

1 comment:

  1. Waiting.
    I am not a fan. For a long time I waited until my MD was fixed, (madelungs deformity) it causes severe pain, the bones grow in a way that makes them basically constantly broken. I waited for so long for it to be cured, but recently I just decided to live with the pain, as traditional pain revilers do not work for me. I love hearing other peoples stories and coping strategies.

    Waiting is always the hardest part of tests, x-rays, surgeries...ect, I think. I wish you all the luck in the world!

    I have to agree with you about living as fully fully as you can with CP.

    I hope your test results were good. I am always in pain, it gets frustrating and really hard. I am always reading positive, uplifting, inspiring books or TV shows. And recently have been finding the most amazing blogs and people over the internet.

    I hope you feel a little better soon. I also wanted to thank you for creating this blog, you are inspiring and truly inspirational.

    I have my own site if you want to check it out, the-lighthouse.ca you can check out some of my coping strategies, I am always on the look out for finding new ones.